What are you most passionate about?… What are your hobbies, interests?… Which activity sparks excitement in you with the mere thought of it?
For me, it’s definitely blogging, it’s something I truly look forward to.
I mean my blog is pretty mediocre, let’s state facts here, from how I write to the quality of the pictures I take, as much as I try to approach topics from a fresh angle, I’m not offering anything new. What I put up is already prevalent in the world of blogging.
“Yvonne In Bloom” is my happy place though, I feel I can be myself here and talk about anything that’s on my mind. This is where I channel my creativity, so I crank out posts, then I mess around on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat and go like, “Oh! There’s a new post on the blog!… NEW POST UP! Bla bla bla… Like anyone gives a crap!
Readers… You guys, you have seen it all before! Haven’t you? Lol! I’m honestly grateful though, for all you guys who hang around here, tolerating my mideocrity and shit.
Look at me rambling. I honestly didn’t intend to vent.
I love sharing fashion inspirations, snippets of my life, reviewing beauty products… I enjoy the process of putting together posts and once I hit that “publish” button! Aaah! It feels so nice! Like an accomplishment you know?
This year one of my goals was to move from Blogger to WordPress, that I have done and to work on becoming a professional blogger! To actually earn a living from my blog! Dreams are valid eh?!
I’m convinced that it’s achievable, it’s no pipe dream, so I went ahead and pushed myself to whip out a post on a consistent basis, even if I didn’t feel like doing it. Yes. I’m guilty of posting for the sake of it. I’m guilty of writing half heartedly.
Why you ask?
I want to be consistent!
“Consistency is key if you want to be a successful blogger! Duh!”
. . . I happen to read other blogs and I’m never oblivious of what has been posted, I always sorta kinda know when a post is there for the sake of it, I don’t know why I thought it would be any different with my blog.
I’m not proud of some of the posts I’ve shared with you, simply because they’re inauthentic. I’ve posted pictures smiling, yet in true sense I’m not happy, I’ve written in a way that would make you think I’m at a good place, yep! Figured everything out and loving life, but in reality I’m still battling with depression to the point where suicide is enticing, stress, low self esteem. . . I hate how my body looks so much, I hate my face, my hair, the skin I’m in, I hate where I’m at in life right now… I’m 23 years old and I’ve achieved so little, I pity myself and my daughter most for being who I am today, she deserves a better mother than me.
I messed up real bad and wasted opportunities without even realizing it or knowing what I was doing. I can blame my situation on my mental health (depression), being young without a proper sense of direction, but it won’t help, the damage is done and at the end of the day I only have myself to blame.
I don’t want to ever regret my deeds from now henceforth.
I need to work on becoming the best version of myself for myself and for my daughter, I need to teach myself to love who I am, because till death I only have me anyway. I need to figure out who I am and where I want to be if this life is worth living at all.
I want to be someone my little girl can look up to someday, someone who can best prepare her for life so she doesn’t make the same mistakes I made, I want to be present in her life so I can know her personality in depth and be there for her when she needs me, I want to create beautiful memories with her. I want to be someone she can be proud to introduce as her mother someday.
By the way, I named my daughter Zain, a name of Indian origin meaning good light, she lights up my world for sure and gives me a reason to keep living and I pray to God that she may never go through what I’m going through.
I will be on hiatus for possibly maybe 6 months, a year, two years even? I don’t know.
I promise to update my blog when I’m truly “In Bloom,” growing and flourishing in whatever it is I’m doing. There are many things I had planned to blog about but as I work on my personal growth I won’t have time or energy to do so. So please forgive me, think of my absence as a necessary reset to come back with a bang?… Haha! Okay? I can’t wait to improve this space in future and be proud of it as a true reflection of who I am and where I’m at in life.
I want to request for your prayers, I’m still at a dark place in my life and really scared, the battles I’m facing require me to be brave and only God can strengthen me. I’m not perfect, I’m one terrible human who doesn’t deserve much or any of the things I have, but please remember me in your prayers.
I’m the worst person to give advice, but I want to end by saying, regarding your hobbies or even your job, the moment when something you used to look forward to or feel passionate about feels like work, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate or go as far as giving yourself a break.
I’m taking a break from writing on my blog! Hello!
Give yourself time to appreciate the community you’re in and your place within it. Take some ‘me’ time outside whatever it is you love doing when you feel a need to do so.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading my crazy ass/all over the place “Hiatus Alert” post, If you’re a reader, follower or subscriber, I will be back as promised, hopefully a better person, feeling better about who I am with better content! ❤
Love & Light